Ellouise.

ARCHIVE    RSS     ASK    THEME   
The following may scare you.
My pain.

All I feel is pain. I feel as though I have lost majority of my life and all that is left is absolutely nothing, just complete emptiness. It’s been 18 years of my life on bullshit, just continuous lies, one after the other.

I ask myself multiple questions everyday, questioning whether I have done something to deserve this. I had to let go of the one person my own family gave the world to that not even his own parents could do, yet after all the lies and the deception, my family have been put out to be the bad ones. My dearest step cousin, who I will now no longer call my cousin, after all this bullshit between our families, I never listened to my family when they told me not to talk to you and you were able to do the same thing but what in the fuck happened? For 18 years of our lives, we laughed and cried together, I told you things no one in this world knows because you were the only person I could turn to when I couldn’t turn to anyone else. You promised me that I would never lose you because of this shit but you lied and I don’t know whether everything else was a lie or not. I ignored my families wishes and like I said you did too but all of a sudden you can’t see me anymore. After everything we’ve done for you. I would have given my life for you just to protect you. This pain is unbearable, I would rather have multiple knives stabbed into me.

This pain has made me question whether life is worth living, it has made me question who I should or shouldn’t trust but I’ve learnt something and I’ve learnt that no one is worth ruining a life over and because of one fuck up doesn’t mean I need to have trust issues with other people. I will never forgive what your own family has done to our nonno and my family and if I have to hear another one of their lies, I will crack the shits because I’m sick of my families reputation being crushed to the ground but there’s one thing I know and that is that my family will forever stick together without lying to one another or living our lives based on a lie. So I hope you enjoy your life when you realise you have no one to turn to when in need and I hope you feel the pain I feel.

THEME: CARMAH